Can't believe that it's been 6 years since I last posted something over here! I couldn't even find my link on google.. that is probably a good thing i guess..
Not to get excited or anything..i do not have any intentions to start blogging again, but at this time of the night, i just felt like coming back to place i once used to write to procrastinate and sometimes share some thoughts and feelings to the unknown, just to reminisce... instead of doing that, i am now writing a lil something here. just because.
In these pass 6 years, many things have happened... however, i find it really weird that even though so much life changing events have happened to me, I myself have not changed. I'm still a procrastinator, a lazy bum, skill-less chicken and depressed more often now than before.
It's funny, I never realised I was depressive until after marriage (yup! i got married!).. not that marriage is bad.. in fact i'm very grateful to have such a wonderful husband! But after marriage, i realised that there have been times in my life that i've felt particularly low and loss of motivation. Just not sure why i've been feeling much more deeper in the hole in these pass 2 years.. as if I have lost my dreams and sense of purpose. I no longer have any dreams i want to chase... I am more afraid to starting/doing something, and i'm unsure about almost everything! I keep seeing myself turning into my mother which i dread immensely, however I don't know how to resolve that matter when I can't even have a heart-to-heart conversations with her. So right now i particularly feel like a failure in all aspects of life. Don't particularly like myself either, but just too tired to change.
Yup, there we are. and nope, i'm not a fighter.... i can't seem to fight this destiny i'm in to take action to make things better... all I do is wallow deeper and deeper in my hole... convinced that i'm in for doom.
Isn't it a wonderful place to be in? please sense the sarcasm here.
The older I get, the more things i need to figure out...
where shall we live? when to have kids? am I even ready for kids? what's my calling? what kinda work do i want/can do? how can we have savings? what to invest in? how to get a side income? what kinda risks should I take? omg the list just goes on and on.....
why can't it be easier? What happened to having more wisdom as we get older?
i dread these questions... i have not grown up at all. what if I don't want to? Why invite all these complications into life? Since when life had to be complicated?!
I wanna end the post with a positive note, but i can't think of anything right now. So that's just it.
