last but not least....

mark this time.

i am finally done with psycho assignments! and i mean ALL! after 3 years torture of analyzing, reviewing journals, reflecting, referencing... im done wit em!!

couldnt be more happier right now...!! :D

oh i do hope i get a good grade for this one... it took me sooooo long to finnish a 1000 word essay.. i did better during my thesis in fact! :p

but its alll overrrr now... assignments wise that is.. there's still defense and finals!

cheking me list of one at a time.. so suspense lah! haha...

but im so reliefed rite now.. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

dawn

the only thing i like about staying up the whole night to do assignments is the fact that i get to see the sun slowly rising. if it weren't for this, i dont think i'll witness dawn time (besides during fasting time of cuz!). once the sun is up, its my cue to go sleep.

Thesis is killing the life outta me! and i'd like to remember this moment. hence the post!

chicken run

I was waiting in line in KFC the other day and I overheard the people at the front of the queue arguing with the cashier. Apparently, KFC had sold out of chicken. The customer asked, "How can you run out of chicken? This is KFC!" to which the cashier replied, "What else are we supposed to run out of?" -taken from MLIA

almost

im almost there

almost at the end

but the light isnt appearing yet

so near yet so far

so muddled the thoughts, for now n for future.

so screwed up, yet the taste of end seems like fruity bubble gum.

pop goes the bubble.

stress.disappointment.stress.backpain.

need to go thru this to see the end.

as chinese saying goes "chi ku hou tian" - eat bitter, later sweet

aiyoh.finish this already!

:(

18th & 19th Day

all i can remember in this last two days of fasting was last min shopping!

i know, fasting is meant for us to learn to be detached and all, so why u think i didnt bother bout naw-ruz shoppin till the v.last min? i was busy being detached n all :p

anyway i went shoppin on me own this time.. its tough having to decide on what to buy, but then at least i dont get influenced by other ppl's opinions, and buy what i truely like..and i must say i was v.happy with my shopping!

the last two days also really tested my patience... i obviously dont really hv much of it, so it was huge test!

anyway i'm glad i did this..and now the fast is over.. the sun has set and life goes back to normal, and im liking it :)


i hope u enjoyed this special 19days!
now a New Day has come..a.k.a Naw Ruz!

15th, 16th & 17th Day

finally im not 1 day behind! :p

the battle i face everymornin with my bed and head.

the sunrises as i get back for sleep pt.2

pure torture baking sinful cookies during da fast for naw-ruz!

after the sun sets, the city looks alive

12th, 13th &14th Day

its the last proper weekend of the Fast!

spent most of it doin me research..my last chance, cuz my dateline IS coming up!

im grateful that i had a wonderful assistant researcher with me thru out cuz im sure i wouldnt have made it on me own!

goin to different places for my research just gave confirmations that our education system is really bad :(

on the side note- i've got a PLAN :) find out soon what the PLAN will be!

luv how its been an up and down weekend again..oh Fast!

11th Day

today all wanted to do was sleeeeep.. but of course Friday doesnt allow me to do so.

today i saw the boy who used to come all cheerfull for children's class last year, came in looking v.depressed and skinny. and i wonder what's happening in his home...

today i am not sure if i should follow my heart or my head. Im not sure which will i regret more...

today i wonder even more what my life will be after i graduate... its like i think i know, but i dont know. geddit?

today i fasted. ha!

9th & 10th Day

i got one word for these two days:

DEHYDRATION.

so refreshing...ahhh..heaven la!
here's a quote i found that's pretty interesting n symbolic;)

“ … they that tread the path of faith, they that thirst for the wine of certitude, must cleanse themselves of all that is earthly—their ears from idle talk, their minds from vain imaginings, their hearts from worldly affections, their eyes from that which perisheth. They should put their trust in God, and, holding fast unto Him, follow in His way.” - Baha'u'llah

*credits to nineteendays for awesome selection of Writings!*

8th Day

had a hard time wakng up. harder than usual... i almost wanted to NOT have breakfast, but i guess its impossible when u've got family around you.. must be a good thing i think?

but today im really thankfull for the time i had to sleep, and just to be at home doing my work. i feel calm, and peaceful somehow.

this is a wonderful prayer - i put the link because i like the page a lot!

11more days....

7th Day

it's been a week!

and finally on the 7th Day i feel its great to break fast with a bunch of youth, good homecooked food from each one, reflections, and Baha'i CHARADES!

i wish my comm had put more effort into planning breaking our fast more often together then jz de weekend.. i luv goin 2 ppl's house and breaking our fast together... its that warm fuzzy feeling eating together with others that i miss most this time around... its also more motivating to fast when u know whats in store after the sun goes down ;)

so who's house next? :p

4th, 5th n 6th Day

it has been a gruelling weekend. so gruelling that i didnt even bother to come online.

started off with half of my film groupmates not showing up, so had to skip half me class to go shoot our 1st scene which took a v.long time! then as i was rushing to go home for JY, Sunny wouldnt start :( so thank god me groupmate came back to take me to train station cuz we couldnt figure out wat was wrong with Sunny. that night my bro took over my JY - im thinking the whole way back, what was God trying to test me? and i figured maybe there's a wisdom behind it.. i hope its a wisdom worth the trouble! :p later in the middle of d night, we (dad,bro n me) head back to coll to check on Sunny.. we tried to revive it, but our attempts failed *sob sob*

so 4th day of fast..i learnt to rely upon God, and accept that there is wisdom behind everything.

next day, i had to wake up early to take some gov survey "exam" which to me was a real waste of time! then afta dat i decide to wait wit me dad while he gets de car fixed...if i were in his shoes, i wouldnt want to be alone in a car park tryin to fix my kid's car. so a whole afternoon spent in the carpark under scorching heat...and still Sunny was in a comma... :(
we head back home jz in time for car wash with the JY's as our fundraiser for the Baha'i Fund. we might have had fun washing cars...but i really dont know how to get em to be disciplined..esp de younger ones.. in d end a parent came and complained that their kid came back home soaked wet and dont wanna send him for JY anymore.

5th day of fast taught me to be patience under all conditions and to control me emotions d best i can.

this mornin went to Mentari to conduct my thesis research... im not sure what i did was right or wrong... im not sure if the the spirit im doing it was right.. plans that i made with my fellow researcher didnt work out so well as she had to leave even b4 we could begin the research and so i keep wondering why do things keep going wrong? what kinda TEST is this la God? i came back home so tired and all i could think of was to sleep. even though i knew i had heaps of work waiting for me to get em done... i slept like a dead person. and now im awake, but with a pile of work nudging me to get em done. i feel like a machine at this moment.
why cant i enjoy the fast like i want to? on the bright side tho, Sunny came back to life! ah..wat a relief :)

6th day of fast and im trying to put my trust in God and have hope.

“Never lose thy trust in God. Be thou ever hopeful, for the bounties of God never cease to flow upon man. If viewed from one perspective they seem to decrease, but from another they are full and complete. Man is under all conditions immersed in a sea of God’s blessings. Therefore, be thou not hopeless under any circumstances, but rather be firm in thy hope.” Abdu'l-Baha

3rd Day

well today i didnt go straight to sleep afta breakfast, instead we (mom,dad,bro & sil) said prayers togather and reflected on the Writings..

somehow this felt goood to me... today the Writings touched on how Abdu'l Baha should be the example in our lives while dealing with fellowmen.. Abdu'l Baha is The Perfect Exampler, reading stories about His life makes one have so much respect for Him! what would we do without Abdu'l Baha la...

also while praying, i realized how fortunate i am to have family around me during this fasting month, especially during breakfast... somebody to wake me if I am still not downstairs by 7, to share food and then pray together.. im not sure how long more i will have this bounty, so gotta appreciate it while i have it! but im also very interested to experience having breakfast alone someday..hehe..

2nd Day

a friend of mine sent this to me - Poem from Ruumi:

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

guess what i did? i went back to sleep..after prayers.. my discipline fails me! but i feel whole lot fresher havin that extra 1 hr sleep! :p

but i wonder if Ruumi really meant by dont go back to sleep literally or spiritually?

-today was alrite despite having to go round in da heat promoting YGR, but spiritually? hmmm..

1st day

"Mere abstention from food has no effect on the spirit. It is only a symbol, a reminder."

this is what that was goin on in me mind the whole day today... im not sure if im doin it right.. i even unconsciously slipped a kacang in me mouth to test if it had masuk angin! SIN i have! :(
i hope that 1 kacang didnt harm me fast..

i wanna find what is that effect it has on the spirit... and how isit some people come to love the fast so much...

18days to go to find out...

19 days

well the Baha'i Fast is here again..!

last year i was inspired by this blog nineteendays which had various people from around the world contributing their pictures. so this year, im gonna try to post something up for next 19days.. something about this Fast. i know i am one day behind... so im hoping somehow this will work out, just so i dont let 19days just slip away like it always does!

anyway.. here's to the next 18 days!

HAppY FasTing my Dear Baha'i Friends!!!

I just canceled my appointmen to meet my lecturer today in like 20mins time. Man.. i hope i dont go on his black list!

J to da Y - Junior Youth!

Im not sure why i hardly blogged about a bunch of wonderful kids which i have been teachin for the past three years in their Baha'i Children's Class...! each of them have their own character, they make really interestin ppl! these kids have gone thru a whole 5 years of Baha'i childrens class learning virtues, more about the Faith, and having lotsa fun while at it - and i never really said much bot it havent i! well im gonna start right now.

During this few years, I have learned so much from them and have grown to love them very much... especially with a few that i see possess so much potential! Teaching in children's class has also help me grown personally, i realize that i love teachin these kids and it's awesome to see them slowly change into young little vonderful human beings :)

anyway.. the kids in my class turned 11 this year, and since we had finnished (kinda) the Furutan Book with them.. i told them we'd be goin to continue into the JY programme. they were excited to finally be able to join their older 'korkors' who had left them last year.. i checked with em if they were ok if i became their animator, and they were cool with it. and i was reliefed -phew!

so this year, i am no more their 'teacher roya' but rather just roya. its hard for them AND me that the concept now has changed. I cant always be ordering em on what to do.. rather i need to ask the correct questions..they cant just keep quiet and make me give em answers, they need to start thinking for themselves. SUCH BIG change! its tough.. so far its been almost 2 months, and they still do call me teacher, but thank god i have yeeteng with me to remind em im not their teacher. and she is someone they can look up to as their fren :)

Im pretty excited at the stuff we can do with a JY group.. its such an exciting period of life..there is so much to explore, so much to learn! i wonder if i can handle it or am i meant to just teach kids..? will find out in due time.. i just hope i wont be imposing too much of my ideas on em cuz i know i can get excited about somethin and then push for it when they mite hate the idea! ahh.. gotta keep da balance.. all in my learning process..

so anyway i hope to blog more about these bunch of wonderful JY.... i really hope things turn out good.. even tho there has been minor probs...so far its been cool.. i wish we had more time with the group to do more stuff.. 2 hrs seems like 2 seconds!

The Encounter

Having had an awesome time karaoke'ing wit me frennies, i headed back to Sunny (the faithful car!) after paying for parking. As i walked out, suddenly a girl popped out on my side. She was shorter than me (amazingly there ARE ppl shorter than me!), young indian girl, and had a pityful look on her face.

She approached me asking me if i could give her a lift. She told me her money had fell into the toilet bowl and she had no money left at all to take any public transport back. I inquired where did she want to go, and she said Kepong. Truthfully i told her that it wasnt on my way as i was heading the opposite direction. In my mind i was thinking 'such thing oso can happen ah... is she conning me?' then i asked her to try asking other people, to which she replied that she did ask people, but she got scolded instead. I was like 'ohh..okaayy...' but somehow i still didnt know if this was some kinda con job or if it were for real.
It was dark outside, if i did take her home, who knew what was install for me? in my mind all sorts of possibilities came (eg. kidnapping, slashing my throat, list goes on...) so I asked her to try calling home, see if someone could come fetch her, she said she didnt have a handphone, and that the house phone was cut, and her family didnt have any handphone too. This became a lil fishy to me.. how can nobody got phone? this is the handphone era we live in.. even granmothers oso have handphone wat...
anyway she continue to plead me to give her a lift..i told her again it was the opposite direction for me. I didnt know what to do.. i wanted to help her, yet i felt as if something was up with this girl. So the only thing i could do was to give her some money to take public transport. I only had rm2, and she told it wasnt enough for her to get home. That was true as friggin Rapid KL has increased their 'tambang' and its absolute nonsense (another post maybe on it!). But i couldnt do anythin.. all i could say was 'just use it to take one bus 1st then ask poeple for some money for the next bus. I told her sorry, and left.

As i turned on the car and drove back home, i wondered if i was being too cautious, and totally unhelpful to this poor girl. I was really afraid to take her in as i was alone...Maybe if i had a companion, things would have been different. I just followed what my gut told me to do. But this made me wonder if our society has me/us become too selfish, and afraid to help people in need because of the many crime reports I/we hear everyday?